Looking back on this week...

So I finally picked up a job after taking an extended vacation for several months. I cant exactly say what I do for legal purposes other I do tech support for a well known computer manufacturer. There are a few people that do know but I've sworn them to secrecy, so hopefully they'll hold up on that so I can keep the job. Its been kind of a long week though, we have 3 weeks of training and I just completed that first week. Compared to what I did for Dell in Salt Lake City this is considerably less than what I was expecting to learn. The days so far have consisted of sitting in a U shaped table with computers behind us. We have to be told to even look at our email, cant really browse any pages other than what we are told to at the time. Its kind of strict. The trainer himself has somewhat of a weaselly retired-army look to him. No sense of humor whatsoever and laughs to his own jokes, mainly cause no one else in the class gets them. And he repeats stuff alot, which I could understand if it was something pertaining to the topic but he repeats his experiences and stories over and over. I try to get through class doped up on caffeine just so I can stay awake. I'm just afraid of what I may encounter when I actually start doing the job that I was hired for. Is the training going to be enough when half the time spent is listening to stuff off-topic? I did ask after he went through the syllabus for the class when the actual technical training gets started and he didn't even really answer the question. Just said that after we go through learning the tools it will all come together... I certainly hope so. Anyways, that's been my week in a nutshell with work.

My birthday is coming up... in about 13 minutes from the time of writing the sentence, it may be closer or arrived by the time I actually finish writing. We had a little bit of family over for dinner tonight to celebrate. Pretty much my typical birthday, I don't go out much, or at least I haven't before. I do get to go out tomorrow to see Washington State get the snot kicked out of them by the Ducks in Eugene. Well, that's what we Duck fans hope for as last week wasn't much to be excited about. Maybe we can do something good though. I also hopefully get to meet Alli. (Crosses fingers)

Alli and I have been talking off and on for the last several months but haven't exactly had a chance to meet in person yet. She's a great girl and seems to match what I try to look for perfectly. She's kind, intelligent, social, funny. I'm really looking forward to it. Just hope that the important first meeting isn't screwed up and all that time talking to her means nothing. I'm worried that she wont like the way I look in person or the way I present myself even though I try to be as open about it as I possibly can. I don't feel like I really have anything to hide with other than maybe my exact address, cause who likes stalkers? Anyways, meeting her tomorrow is sure to keep me up the rest of the night worrying.

I think if things continue to be eventful enough in the coming weeks I may try to do one update each week if not more to at least create some kind of journal. Hopefully it gives someone out there something interesting enough to read. If not... go away cause I wouldn't like you anyway.

So until next time, this is Jason, signing out.

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Jung Test - ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller

As an ISTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living. They have a strongly-felt internal sense of duty, which lends them a serious air and the motivation to follow through on tasks. Organized and methodical in their approach, they can generally succeed at any task which they undertake.

ISTJs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable. They place great importance on honesty and integrity. They are "good citizens" who can be depended on to do the right thing for their families and communities. While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings.

ISTJs tend to believe in laws and traditions, and expect the same from others. They're not comfortable with breaking laws or going against the rules. If they are able to see a good reason for stepping outside of the established mode of doing things, the ISTJ will support that effort. However, ISTJs more often tend to believe that things should be done according to procedures and plans. If an ISTJ has not developed their Intuitive side sufficiently, they may become overly obsessed with structure, and insist on doing everything "by the book".

The ISTJ is extremely dependable on following through with things which he or she has promised. For this reason, they sometimes get more and more work piled on them. Because the ISTJ has such a strong sense of duty, they may have a difficult time saying "no" when they are given more work than they can reasonably handle. For this reason, the ISTJ often works long hours, and may be unwittingly taken advantage of.

The ISTJ will work for long periods of time and put tremendous amounts of energy into doing any task which they see as important to fulfilling a goal. However, they will resist putting energy into things which don't make sense to them, or for which they can't see a practical application. They prefer to work alone, but work well in teams when the situation demands it. They like to be accountable for their actions, and enjoy being in positions of authority. The ISTJ has little use for theory or abstract thinking, unless the practical application is clear.

ISTJs have tremendous respect for facts. They hold a tremendous store of facts within themselves, which they have gathered through their Sensing preference. They may have difficulty understanding a theory or idea which is different from their own perspective. However, if they are shown the importance or relevance of the idea to someone who they respect or care about, the idea becomes a fact, which the ISTJ will internalize and support. Once the ISTJ supports a cause or idea, he or she will stop at no lengths to ensure that they are doing their duty of giving support where support is needed.

The ISTJ is not naturally in tune with their own feelings and the feelings of others. They may have difficulty picking up on emotional needs immediately, as they are presented. Being perfectionists themselves, they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted, like they take their own efforts for granted. They need to remember to pat people on the back once in a while.

ISTJs are likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others. However, their strong sense of duty and the ability to see what needs to be done in any situation usually allows them to overcome their natural reservations, and they are usually quite supporting and caring individuals with the people that they love. Once the ISTJ realizes the emotional needs of those who are close to them, they put forth effort to meet those needs.

The ISTJ is extremely faithful and loyal. Traditional and family-minded, they will put forth great amounts of effort at making their homes and families running smoothly. They are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously. They are usually good and generous providers to their families. They care deeply about those close to them, although they usually are not comfortable with expressing their love. The ISTJ is likely to express their affection through actions, rather than through words.

ISTJs have an excellent ability to take any task and define it, organize it, plan it, and implement it through to completion. They are very hard workers, who do not allow obstacles to get in the way of performing their duties. They do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations.

ISTJs usually have a great sense of space and function, and artistic appreciation. Their homes are likely to be tastefully furnished and immaculately maintained. They are acutely aware of their senses, and want to be in surroundings which fit their need for structure, order, and beauty.

Under stress, ISTJs may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong. They will berate themselves for things which they should have done differently, or duties which they failed to perform. They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably, and will depress themselves with their visions of doom.

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the ISTJ's shadow may appear - a negative form of ENFP. Example characteristics are:

• having a gloomy view of a future
• suggesting impractical ideas
• acting impulsively, and changing things without any thought
• having intense negative feelings towards others (though these might not be expressed)

The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others, onto whom the shadow is projected. The ISTJ may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognising it in him/her self.

In general, the ISTJ has a tremendous amount of potential. Capable, logical, reasonable, and effective individuals with a deeply driven desire to promote security and peaceful living, the ISTJ has what it takes to be highly effective at achieving their chosen goals - whatever they may be.

Famous ISTJs:

Thomas (Christ's disciple)

U.S. Presidents:

George Washington

Andrew Johnson

Benjamin Harrison

Herbert Hoover

George H. W. Bush

Paul Coverdale (U.S. Senator, R-GA)
Jackie Joyner-Kersee (U.S. Olympic athlete)
Evander Holyfield, heavyweight boxing champion

Fictional ISTJs:

Joe Friday
Mr. Martin (hero of James Thurber's Sitting in the Catbird Seat)
Eeyore (Winnie the Pooh)
Fred Mertz (I Love Lucy)
Puddleglum, the marshwiggle (Chronicles of Narnia)
Cliff (Cheers)
Darth Vader (Star Wars)
Bruce Wayne (Batman Begins)

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Jason's Photo Journal (May 2003)

The following was written about a road trip I took back in 2003. I've left it in its entirety as I dont feel the need to edit something that was written that long ago. I do not have the original pictures anymore. I had to make do with the pictures used in the word document_ But in any case its here to share with all my friends who would like to read it. Enjoy.

As you may have known, I've gone out of town this last week. I needed to take a vacation from myself and the problems I've had going on here. So my dad and I went out on a road trip throughout Central and Eastern Oregon. The pictures in this Journal are much smaller than the copies I have saved on my computer (had to cut them down because the email size was too big and couldn't be sent), if at all you want the full size picture, let me know and I'll be able to send it to you. After 3 days and 1048 miles later, this is my trip.

Jason's Photo Journal
May 14th – 16th, 2003
The trip began on Wednesday, May 14th on a sunny spring afternoon. With our bags packed up and the Jeep ready to go, we headed out on the road. Where we ended up was determined by where our noses lead us out on the open road. We started west on I-84 which travels along the scenic Columbia River Gorge. Just about the whole trip down the Columbia was stuff we had seen before. That had been our route to Salt Lake City, Utah when we were traveling back and forth the 8 years we lived there. But this time we took a slightly different route. At Mosier, OR we got off of I-84 and took the old scenic Hwy 30. It may have been a lot slower but, we didn't have anywhere we had to be so we took our time. Saw a whole new kind of country we had never seen before, stuff that cant be seen from along I-84. Along our travel along the old windy highway I saw for the first time in my life a coyote. Sure I've seen them on TV and all, but this I was getting the chance to see with my own eyes. The creature ran across the road in front of us without a care in the world. Not even slowing down we continued out along the highway. After several miles we came to this little bridge that crossed this huge canyon. The canyon's entrance at the top allowed for people to enter through it, down inside there was a small neighborhood, protected from the heavy winds of the Columbia Gorge. Realizing that this would be a great time for a picture, we got out of the car and I took it. Here you go.



I believe that this canyon is called Rowena or something like that. If you look at a map, that's where its located because just a little along the way is a viewpoint called Rowena Crest. So I'm going to assume that this is what its called. As we drove on we reconnected shortly with I-84, we wanted to get further west before the end of the day. ? So about 30 minutes later we arrived in The Dalles. Dad always wanted to go into the Columbia Gorge Discovery Center they had there so we drove a little ways back and stopped in to see what they had. There were two museums there, one for the history of Wasco County, the other about the Columbia River Gorge. It was there that kinda got me inspired to be some kind of a photographer, there was a small gallery and gift shop there and I saw pictures that were blown up and framed selling for 150 bucks each. Finding it kind of cool that people would pay that much for some awesome pictures like that, I think I might try that here pretty soon. I'm not a great photographer, but I think I do fairly well. After the discovery center we went back into town, time for lunch or something like that. I think it was around 2 so you call it whatever you want. Mmmm… Wendies. Frosty. Burger. YUM!. Ok anyways, after we were filled up we started up again down I-84. Our trip there along the interstate came to a halt in Biggs where we decided to do something different for once. We went south from there, finally something new and different. Yeah, new and different is right, all the country between there and Bend is mostly the same, flat and barren. Farm land and stuff, but nothing really to look at. So I took over driving for a while, I needed to get some practice done as I'm not all that thrilled about driving. I drove through several small towns until we came to a rest stop north of Madras. After about 100 or so miles, I was getting slightly sore and needed a brake so dad took over. We traveled down highway 97 until we reached a small town called Metolius. There we found a road that leads off to some resort that leads to this really big recreation lake which is part of the Deschutes River. I cant for the life of me remember the name of the place though. Anyways, we didn't stop there long, as pretty as it was, I didn't take any pictures. Wasn't really worth it I don't think. Nothing really to take pictures of even though it is a fairly well known recreation spot. And again, south we go towards Bend. Wow this city has grown up a lot since I was there last. Population is now like 55 thousand people. Last time I was there it was around 5 thousand. We got hungry and thirsty and the night was coming. We stopped and grabbed a few Arby's Sandwiches and at the store got some things to drink and we left town to see about finding a place to stay the night. So we took a look at our map and decided upon trying Palina Lake. There was a campground there that might be a good place to check out. You never would of expected what we found there. SNOW! And not just little sections of it, but lots of snow. Palina Lake had snow all around it, about a foot, and there wasn't really any good spots to stay so we drove on, but not without first getting some pictures.



Well you would of thought I had seen enough snow then. We drove up and a little bit to another lake just east of Palina Lake easily enough called, East Lake. And guess what? More freaking snow! We got up there and there was like 2 feet of snow along the side of the roads and the lake was iced over. I did get a chance to get this really cool picture before the sun went down though. Iced over lake and sunset, great combination I think.



Just to give you a bit of information about the locations, this is called the Newberry Caldera. All around the lakes is ancient lava flow. Probably from volcano's gone long ago. Anyways, you'll get to see some of that cool stuff here later on, I took them the next day. So anyways, we stayed the night here in East Lake. Cold as hell, let me tell ya. And this is near Bend, would you believe it? Well anyways, going to bed…. See you tomorrow at the Lava Cast forest ;).

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Ok, I'm awake, how are you this fine morning? ? Ok, well time to take off again on this little trip. Its cold this morning. Need coffee. So we went into town and got our morning brew from one of the "8 7'11's on one street!" (inside joke, hehe). Hmm… White Chocolate Cuppacino. Drools…. Ok and here we go. There are a lot of ice caves that were created down from way back then that are nestled down in the lava flow. We decided to head back south and try and see if we can find some of these caves. We took a small road named China Hat Rd which is like right on the edge of town. The road heads east and eventually come back to Hwy 97 totally encompassing the 2 lakes we visited the night before. A few miles off of the HWY and not too far after we discovered unpaved road we came across something really cool. I thought it was a hawk up until last night when I was able to blow up the pictures a bit on my computer and get a closer look. But it's a vulture. We drove past it a little and down in front of it is a dead coyote, looked like it had been there a while. Here is the picture of the vulture and even managed to get it to spread its wings, my guess it was protecting its dinner from us.



I took over driving here shortly after. Woohoo, 55 mph on dirt and gravel road with twists and turns… I learned that was a bad idea pretty quick. We kept looking for all the Ice Caves but every time we found one there was a sign saying it was closed. Apparently back in old times, some guy named Arnold would go to the ice caves, chizzle off some ice and bring it back to town to supply it with ice. He'd get so far down into the ice that he put in stairs and lights just to see his way down to get the ice. When electricity came along they didn't need the ice cave anymore but it came part of an attraction. Now you can go to the cave and the ice formed back up to the top, you can see stairs and lights that go down beyond the ice. I didn't see it this time unfortunately but I had seen it a long time ago before I moved to Utah. We did finally come across an Ice Cave though. But before I do that, you'd think that if you saw the name of a place on a map called China Hat, and they named a road after it, that it would be something cool to look at right? Wrong, even though the map marked it as something to see, the damned thing is just a hill. GAH! Ok, now for the ice cave. Hey look, the one and only picture of me on the trip. Feel lucky, real lucky.



Sign said outside said caution: Many Yellow Jackets near entrance of cave. Ick. Didn't see any though, my lucky day. I didn't wait long enough to find out if they were "out to lunch" or not though. So we took off from there. Finally after lots of road came across the first other sign of civilization since coffee this morning. A semi-truck. Wow, almost 2 hours and we had only seen like one or 2 people. Hope we don't get lost! After finally coming across HWY 97 again we headed back north towards Bend. We saw a sign for the Lava Cast forest and figured we might as well check I out. Aren't you glad we did? If not, you will be here soon. I drove up about 2 miles to a place to park and we got out and stretched our legs a bit. Well… we got out and went for a walk along the mile long trail they have that takes us along the lava flow showing us the lava cast forest. Now what this place is, is kind of cool. When the lava flow came through the forest it came across trees (obviously). Some of the lava got cooled and hardened around the tree. So along the path we found all these little holes where there were once trees. Its amazing thinking about what it might have been like when this happened. Here are a few pictures of our visit to the Lava Cast Forest.




Now on our way back down from this cool place things got a bit more interesting. Dad was driving this time cause I was still a bit tired from before and as I was looking out my window into the forest, trying to spot some deer, I saw some smoke. With a quick glance it looked like no one was there watching it so we stopped the car and got closer to it for a quick inspection. The area around looked like it had recently been burned in the last few days and it looked like this was something that might have been rekindled by the wind. So we called 911 and let the Sunriver Fire Department know that we were at a fire and that we'll stay until its taken care of. Soon after the US Forestry Service was out on patrol and came across us. He stopped to check things out and we told him what was going on. Right after that the Fire Department arrived and went in to put out the fire. They told us it's a good thing atleast we caught it now instead of a month later when things were dryer or when this thing was bigger. So now aren't you glad we checked out the Forest? From here we went back into Bend and grab some lunch. Hey look, more Arbies. And then we drove out of town 130 miles east to Burns. And then traveled north on to John Day. We saw a number of different animals this leg the of trip, 4 antelope, and what almost became dinner, a deer. It wasn't my fault the deer was hanging out in the middle of the road! Pretty much another stretch of road with nothing much to look at besides the occasionally forest and mountain twists and turns. After about 3 hours of driving we were getting hungry again. Stopped in John Day and had the greasiest McDonalds Double Cheeseburger I have ever had. We began a new direction in our trip, and started out sort of in our way home. A little ways outside of John Day we stopped at the Fissil Beds lookcout there along highway 26. Wasn't much to see really, just showed a bunch of moved dirt and showed us a view of the valley. Got a few pictures, nothing that great though. And we continued on down hwy 26 trying to make our way to Prineville. And you'd never guess what we saw yet again…. Sure enough just east of mile post 92 we discovered yet another fire. This time we were out of range to even call someone for help and we drove as fast as we could to the nearest town. Came across Mitchel that had a pay phone but even that barely had any reception. But being the good guys we are, we reported the fire anyway 40 miles away from where it was. It was starting to get dark and we were tired. We slowly made our way into Prineville. It was late, we were tired, We wanted a hotel. And got HBO! Nothing is on HBO anymore, not that late. We watched our shows CSI and ER instead. ? And then we rested. *sigh*

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Damn, no coffee this morning. Oh well. Prineville isn't big enough to have "8 7'11's on one street" like Bend does. Not to worry, we had Pop Tarts and Gatoraid. The third and final day of our trip was kind of the end of us. We were both tired but we had fun. We wanted to go back along highway 26 towards the town of Mitchel again and see if we could check out 2 of the John Day Fossil Beds we hadn't seen before. The first one we stopped at was the Painted Hills Fossil Beds. I don't even know how to explain what we saw there, the landscape was amazing. From what I can understand the Painted Hills are made of ash of some sort. I don't know all that much more to say about it other than that. Here's a look at what we saw.




And after driving a bit north to the famous town of Fossil, well known for a place to go to dig up fossils behind the football field of the high school. We went west towards Shaniko where we would connect with our old friend HWY 97 and head north back to Biggs where we started our journey south. Along the drive to Shaniko we came to another one of the John Day fossil beds. This place reminded me a lot of the formations you can find down in Southern Utah. What they are Is several layers of mud, rock and layer that have been formed on top of each other after several different eruptions. These layers are called lahars. The lahars I guess are kind of like a slow flowing mud slide and as they moved they'd pick up leaves and sticks and rocks and whetever else was in their way. So naturally, there is lots of fossils in them there mountains. Below is a few pictures looking up at the lahars and following is a picture of a leaf fossil we found in one of the builders below them.





So from here on we traveled to Shaniko and began out trip back to civilization. The leg back was the same trip down so to spare you of repeating stuff we had already seen I'll leave you with a picture of something we didn't see on the trip. Farewell, Jason.



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Can't quite sleep.

So its my usual Friday night at home alone trying to figure out what to do with myself.  Since leaving WoW I've found myself open to alot of freetime.  I frequently monitor my email hoping for some sign of new messages from people on myspace interested in wanting to get to know me.  Not much there, so it just puts me into a further depression of loneliness.  I get over excited anytime someone new that isn't looking to advertise their free webcam sends me a message wanting to learn more.  And if by chance anyone new reads this probably may make my greatest fear of loneliness even more a reality.  I just want someone to talk to. 

My only friend that I can even get in touch with doesn't even know how to pick up a phone.  When confronted all he can say is it goes both ways... even when thats what I did to confront him.  Makes it my fault for the lack of communication.  I've tried to add him as a friend 3 different times over the past year and he still manages to not add me.  A true friend indeed right?

We even have a group going that started from playing some games together to help communication between members outside of our games.  Whenever I post on their to suggest something or whatever, one way or another my post is turned negative.  First his wife will post saying how stupid of an idea it is and why its not even needed, and then he'll post an even larger amount of reason to back up her post.  I get double teamed no matter what I say.  I've gone through everything she's ever said and all she's ever said was negative unless it was to back him up.  I know your supposed to stand by your spouse but thats rediculous... I now feel like I dont even belong in a group that I helped create for communication and friendship.  Which is only adding even more to my feeling of loneliness.

I'm going absolutely mad.  Constantly looking for these damn emails even now.  Ever watching the icons on the bottom of my screen waiting for them to indicate a new message.  I sleep with my monitor on and my sound up loud enough so the slightest indication of a noise will wake me up out of bed.  Sad I know... but who do I have to talk to but myself in a blog.  And the blog doesn't even write me back!

And even worse.... I hate when I do this, but romance in movies is either making me on the verge of tearing up or piss me off.  I watched Bicentennial Man 2 days ago and at the end where Robin Williams is dying and is holding his wifes hand waiting to hear him declared finally as a human after a lifetime of waiting... I balled for an hour.  Watching transformers and how the kid gets the girl in the end, where had it not been for the experiences that entangled their relationship, they would have no chance together.  I wished I was that kid.  I dont feel like I'm enough for any girl.  Writing this is gonna show alot of confidence and I know all the girls will come flocking but its how I feel, take it or leave it. 

I just wanna have someone to talk to... and tomorrow looks like just another day of sitting at the computer anticipating those wonderful emails saying that I have a new message.  So I could click on it to discover its for a website where I can get a free apple iphone or see some girls fun pics/webcam if i visit her link below.

Joy.

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Saying Goodbye

... to the World of Warcraft. This will be the 5th time (I think, may be more) I've tried to quit the game and hopefully this time I'll actually succeed. Its true what they say on the news and in the newspaper about its addictiveness compared to heroine. Its hard to leave behind the thrill for adventure, playing a persona where you can be whatever you desire. I could be a complete asshole if I feel like it and no one would know me any different. I'm constantly looking for ways to expand on my character and play with others. But this time I've decided its gotta be the end. I spend more time playing WoW than I do working on what I need to on my own life. I have higher priorities that need to take place where WoW has taken control. So here is to hoping I can stay away, once and for all. Wish me luck.
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