So its my usual Friday night at home alone trying to figure out what to do with myself. Since leaving WoW I've found myself open to alot of freetime. I frequently monitor my email hoping for some sign of new messages from people on myspace interested in wanting to get to know me. Not much there, so it just puts me into a further depression of loneliness. I get over excited anytime someone new that isn't looking to advertise their free webcam sends me a message wanting to learn more. And if by chance anyone new reads this probably may make my greatest fear of loneliness even more a reality. I just want someone to talk to.
My only friend that I can even get in touch with doesn't even know how to pick up a phone. When confronted all he can say is it goes both ways... even when thats what I did to confront him. Makes it my fault for the lack of communication. I've tried to add him as a friend 3 different times over the past year and he still manages to not add me. A true friend indeed right?
We even have a group going that started from playing some games together to help communication between members outside of our games. Whenever I post on their to suggest something or whatever, one way or another my post is turned negative. First his wife will post saying how stupid of an idea it is and why its not even needed, and then he'll post an even larger amount of reason to back up her post. I get double teamed no matter what I say. I've gone through everything she's ever said and all she's ever said was negative unless it was to back him up. I know your supposed to stand by your spouse but thats rediculous... I now feel like I dont even belong in a group that I helped create for communication and friendship. Which is only adding even more to my feeling of loneliness.
I'm going absolutely mad. Constantly looking for these damn emails even now. Ever watching the icons on the bottom of my screen waiting for them to indicate a new message. I sleep with my monitor on and my sound up loud enough so the slightest indication of a noise will wake me up out of bed. Sad I know... but who do I have to talk to but myself in a blog. And the blog doesn't even write me back!
And even worse.... I hate when I do this, but romance in movies is either making me on the verge of tearing up or piss me off. I watched Bicentennial Man 2 days ago and at the end where Robin Williams is dying and is holding his wifes hand waiting to hear him declared finally as a human after a lifetime of waiting... I balled for an hour. Watching transformers and how the kid gets the girl in the end, where had it not been for the experiences that entangled their relationship, they would have no chance together. I wished I was that kid. I dont feel like I'm enough for any girl. Writing this is gonna show alot of confidence and I know all the girls will come flocking but its how I feel, take it or leave it.
I just wanna have someone to talk to... and tomorrow looks like just another day of sitting at the computer anticipating those wonderful emails saying that I have a new message. So I could click on it to discover its for a website where I can get a free apple iphone or see some girls fun pics/webcam if i visit her link below.
Joy.
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