"Birth to Life"

I went to the hospital yesterday to welcome Dan's son, Liam, to the world. Had a good time visiting Jenn and Liam and hanging out with her sister and her boyfriend. We hung out for about 3 hours talking about random thoughts and helping the boyfriend figure out what parts to buy for a new computer. It wasn't until the 1am drive home last night that it really occurred to me what was said by the nurse giving the discharge information. "Birth to Life" I dont know exactly what she was talking about at the time but she kept referencing the transition from "Birth to Life" when explaining different details of their new baby.

What exactly does this phrase mean and why would this nurse continue to phrase it as a transition in which the baby had no life prior to being born? At what point is it considered that a child is living? Isn't there laws which state that an abortion cannot be done after a certain time because the pregnancy is too far along, meaning life has begun? I dont know why this really hit home as much as it did. I dont agree with abortion of any kind for any reason... Life as far as I'm concerned is the moment of fertilization. I guess its kind of a topic thats been in my head lately. After the events of that woman who killed another and cut the baby out of her and they found that the baby was not considered murdered because it never took a breath...

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/06/07/oregon.pregnancy.murder/index.html?iref=newssearch

I'm sorry but after 8 months that baby is living... Liam was born after 8 months and I dont know... looks pretty alive to me. I dont understand how they cant count the baby as being murdered, that bitch needs to go away for double homicide.

So I come back to this "Birth to Life" thing. I wanna know if this is something that hospitals have started asking their nursing staff to say to protect themselves from such cases. Are we trying to callus ourselves up for a world where abortion is part of an ordinary way of life? I dont like this world we are developing in which we no longer consider when a life matters. Whats next, children in the military? Why not? Other countries do it, lets just use them as cannon fodder so the soldiers with experience can do the real damage.

This world is bullshit!
Read more!

Castle On the Hill

Written as a Personal Essay for my WR 121 class, Fall Term 2008.

As far back as I could remember, there had been a house that always remained a consistent place I could call home. The house wasn’t my own home but my grandparents and no matter how far away we lived or financial living situation, the house had always been there to go to as a place of refuge. The house was once a truly magical place that reigned supreme atop a hill. It became a place of dreams where battles were won and horrors have been conquered. It was a place of joy, and laughter, and even tears, but only in my dreams do those feelings remain. No matter how long it has been since I’ve visited the house, it still remains a consistent part of my life. I think it is important for someone to have a place that you can call home, where you interact with a loving family, and where you learn to be yourself.

Driving to my grandparent’s house seemed like an escape from reality on every visit. Nestled in the back hills of Beaverton, OR, their home seemed to remove itself from the hard yet worn city streets; we vanished into a lush heavily populated community of moss-covered cedar and fir trees. The drive to their house flowed more like water cutting across a canyon, banking up to a point and rushing down around a bend, and when every rock in the gravel road shaking the car like rapids against a boat. And just when you think you can’t handle the rapids any longer, you escape the grasp of the outstretched limbs of the overgrowth and are thrust upon the emerald green hill. The smell of the crabapple tree blended with fresh cut grass was the hills friendly greeting as we climbed the drive up towards the house. And there it was sitting at the top like a king upon its throne and even the sunlight reflected jewel for a window resting at its peak.

As an extension of the house itself, the trees became a roof stretching over the south end as if they were the hands of the house sheltering its eyes from the sun. Underneath the branches a shaded section of the deck wrapped around a majority of the house where it had seen numerous events, from family reunions, wedding receptions, and large family barbeques. The summer under the trees was a way of keeping cool in the hot summer months, allowing us to keep cool and protected from the heat of the sun. At least once a day we would gather on the deck to lounge around for any number of activities, from chucking freshly picked corn from the garden to cracking the hard shells of walnuts to even knitting. Always watching over us on the deck was the great protector of a giant Oak tree, littered with holes of woodpeckers who made sure to remind us not to sleep in too early in the morning with there chain gun ratta-tat-tat of a nuisance.

I discovered at an early age my fondness of gardening, or rather, my lack there of but I learned how important it was to develop the skills of a gardener. The garden was across an ocean of field stretching out to the north end where the eyes would focus on the large conifers that stood at the base of the wooden gate like sentry guards protecting the garden surrounded by a living wall. The Jays would fight us over the blueberries, grapes and cherries but we won valiantly with pie covered with a cloud of whipped cream. The harvested corn became a weekly tribute at our BBQ’s and the cucumbers were pickled and savored over the years. The playground that was the garden also protected two large walnut trees at its back end where monkeys use to swing from its limbs. The harvested the nuts from those trees produced some of the most mouth-watering brownies ever known to mankind. There was a magic all on its own when it carried itself throughout the house as if to reawaken the senses from a coma with a sweet buttery aroma of milk chocolate and roasted nuts.

The section of cut grass in front of the house spanned out to the north like a slightly lumpy football field. It was our Olympic stadium of sorts where bikes were learned how to be used and golf clubs were swung. Even when the grass was uncut and up to the elbows, the yard became a battlefield to hide in, playing Cowboys and Indians, or various types of war games. On some summer nights the field became our campground where tents were nothing just a mere reflection of society. On the field in our tent the house no longer existed, it was just us and the stars, and the occasional silent whoosh of a dark object with a large wingspan that was undoubtedly an owl out on the hunt. It was the star-speckled sky that sheltered us from the elements of the world and we were safe. It was only the damp morning dew covering the grass, covering us, that made the experience of camping under the stars regrettable.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been up to the castle on the hill. It became too much for a couple of still young grandparents to handle anymore. Their children had all grown up and have moved off to new places of their own. I have however visited the development that seemed to have chewed up all the woods, the fields and even the guardian oak tree and spewed out houses in their place. Where trees once shaded the house, cars now rush past with no acknowledgment of the historical landmark the house is to the hill. To any other person the house may be nothing more than an old gray house with odd triangular shapes for windows and outer walls in weird places. But for me the castle on the hill still lives on, where monkeys swing from the giant walnut trees, epic battles are won, and the nightmares are conquered, its my late night protector, it will always be my home.
Read more!

Looking back on this week...

So I finally picked up a job after taking an extended vacation for several months. I cant exactly say what I do for legal purposes other I do tech support for a well known computer manufacturer. There are a few people that do know but I've sworn them to secrecy, so hopefully they'll hold up on that so I can keep the job. Its been kind of a long week though, we have 3 weeks of training and I just completed that first week. Compared to what I did for Dell in Salt Lake City this is considerably less than what I was expecting to learn. The days so far have consisted of sitting in a U shaped table with computers behind us. We have to be told to even look at our email, cant really browse any pages other than what we are told to at the time. Its kind of strict. The trainer himself has somewhat of a weaselly retired-army look to him. No sense of humor whatsoever and laughs to his own jokes, mainly cause no one else in the class gets them. And he repeats stuff alot, which I could understand if it was something pertaining to the topic but he repeats his experiences and stories over and over. I try to get through class doped up on caffeine just so I can stay awake. I'm just afraid of what I may encounter when I actually start doing the job that I was hired for. Is the training going to be enough when half the time spent is listening to stuff off-topic? I did ask after he went through the syllabus for the class when the actual technical training gets started and he didn't even really answer the question. Just said that after we go through learning the tools it will all come together... I certainly hope so. Anyways, that's been my week in a nutshell with work.

My birthday is coming up... in about 13 minutes from the time of writing the sentence, it may be closer or arrived by the time I actually finish writing. We had a little bit of family over for dinner tonight to celebrate. Pretty much my typical birthday, I don't go out much, or at least I haven't before. I do get to go out tomorrow to see Washington State get the snot kicked out of them by the Ducks in Eugene. Well, that's what we Duck fans hope for as last week wasn't much to be excited about. Maybe we can do something good though. I also hopefully get to meet Alli. (Crosses fingers)

Alli and I have been talking off and on for the last several months but haven't exactly had a chance to meet in person yet. She's a great girl and seems to match what I try to look for perfectly. She's kind, intelligent, social, funny. I'm really looking forward to it. Just hope that the important first meeting isn't screwed up and all that time talking to her means nothing. I'm worried that she wont like the way I look in person or the way I present myself even though I try to be as open about it as I possibly can. I don't feel like I really have anything to hide with other than maybe my exact address, cause who likes stalkers? Anyways, meeting her tomorrow is sure to keep me up the rest of the night worrying.

I think if things continue to be eventful enough in the coming weeks I may try to do one update each week if not more to at least create some kind of journal. Hopefully it gives someone out there something interesting enough to read. If not... go away cause I wouldn't like you anyway.

So until next time, this is Jason, signing out.

Read more!

Can't quite sleep.

So its my usual Friday night at home alone trying to figure out what to do with myself.  Since leaving WoW I've found myself open to alot of freetime.  I frequently monitor my email hoping for some sign of new messages from people on myspace interested in wanting to get to know me.  Not much there, so it just puts me into a further depression of loneliness.  I get over excited anytime someone new that isn't looking to advertise their free webcam sends me a message wanting to learn more.  And if by chance anyone new reads this probably may make my greatest fear of loneliness even more a reality.  I just want someone to talk to. 

My only friend that I can even get in touch with doesn't even know how to pick up a phone.  When confronted all he can say is it goes both ways... even when thats what I did to confront him.  Makes it my fault for the lack of communication.  I've tried to add him as a friend 3 different times over the past year and he still manages to not add me.  A true friend indeed right?

We even have a group going that started from playing some games together to help communication between members outside of our games.  Whenever I post on their to suggest something or whatever, one way or another my post is turned negative.  First his wife will post saying how stupid of an idea it is and why its not even needed, and then he'll post an even larger amount of reason to back up her post.  I get double teamed no matter what I say.  I've gone through everything she's ever said and all she's ever said was negative unless it was to back him up.  I know your supposed to stand by your spouse but thats rediculous... I now feel like I dont even belong in a group that I helped create for communication and friendship.  Which is only adding even more to my feeling of loneliness.

I'm going absolutely mad.  Constantly looking for these damn emails even now.  Ever watching the icons on the bottom of my screen waiting for them to indicate a new message.  I sleep with my monitor on and my sound up loud enough so the slightest indication of a noise will wake me up out of bed.  Sad I know... but who do I have to talk to but myself in a blog.  And the blog doesn't even write me back!

And even worse.... I hate when I do this, but romance in movies is either making me on the verge of tearing up or piss me off.  I watched Bicentennial Man 2 days ago and at the end where Robin Williams is dying and is holding his wifes hand waiting to hear him declared finally as a human after a lifetime of waiting... I balled for an hour.  Watching transformers and how the kid gets the girl in the end, where had it not been for the experiences that entangled their relationship, they would have no chance together.  I wished I was that kid.  I dont feel like I'm enough for any girl.  Writing this is gonna show alot of confidence and I know all the girls will come flocking but its how I feel, take it or leave it. 

I just wanna have someone to talk to... and tomorrow looks like just another day of sitting at the computer anticipating those wonderful emails saying that I have a new message.  So I could click on it to discover its for a website where I can get a free apple iphone or see some girls fun pics/webcam if i visit her link below.

Joy.

Read more!